4-Months Post-Surgery

Tomorrow it will be four months since Kimmie's scoliosis surgery.

I would like to be able to say we are all fully recovered and everyone is doing great. Unfortunately, that's not entirely the case--for the most part, that is true.

Kimmie's back is straight. Her shoulder blades are almost in the correct positions now. She's only missed one day of school since the beginning of January.

However, she continues to be up in the night, often several times a night. Or one of us has to sleep with her. Or she wants to sleep on the couch, and one of us sleeps on the other end of the sectional.

She tells us her back hurts and continues to want it rubbed, almost more than before the surgery.

We are always analyzing and trying to figure out why. And trying different things to see if she sleeps better. It's all a guessing game since she can't tell us much. But we've kinda stopped the analyzing and have just accepted that it's going to take her a long time to get over the trauma of the two surgeries.

One of the scary things is that she tells us that on Thursday (the day of the scoliosis surgery) the doctor put brown medicine on her back. We didn't think she was suppose to be able to remember anything from the operating room. If she remembers that, what else does she remember that she cannot express? It's pretty understandable that she could be having lots of bad dreams and fears upon awakening in the night.

It would be nice to get a few nights of uninterrupted sleep, but for now Kimmie needs a lot of comfort and reassurance that we are there.

--Mom

Men

Kimmie has always been partial to men. I used to say that for Kimmie there was "Mommy" and "Men." When she was small she would not even go to Grandmothers or Aunts. My Mom figured out how to get some hugs out of Kimmie, bribe her with cookies!

I have a few theories about why Kimmie has always liked men.

Kimmie has always been sensitive to certain types of noises and the pitch of some noises. I think Kimmie prefers the lower voices of men, especially when she was a baby. We know that Kimmie's eardrum sits farther back in her ear than normal, so there are some concerns about how that has affected what she hears and how certain noises sound to her.

From the time Kimmie was born, she has always been around a lot of men. There was Dad and Grandpa and many friends. The church we went to at that time had a number of men who worked regularly in the nursery.

And, of course, she has always been able to get her way with the men. They don't know how to say "no" to Kimmie. When she was little she would hold up her hands and smile. That's all it took for them to scoop her up and carry her around. She would sit on their arm and look around smugly. Sunday after Sunday we would go to the church nursery and whatever man was in there would be carrying her around. Since she was always very small and stayed in the nursery longer than most, this went on for years. She still holds out her hands but for hugs.

I also think that men give Kimmie a sense of security, safety, and comfort. Their strength comforts her.

If you are female, just know that Kimmie has always preferred men.

--Mom

"Not Mommy"

Kimmie is very attached to Mommy. She will sometimes say she is Grandpa's girl, or Daddy's girl -- but she loves Mommy and usually wants to be near her.

A little sign language: the sign for 'mommy' is an open flat hand, touch thumb to chin. The sign for 'not' a closed hand, thumb out, touch the thumb under the chin. Kimmie's shorthand sign combines these two into a single gesture; the "not Mommy" sign.

If Mom leaves in the evening or on the weekend, Kimmie is usually playing somewhere. She will hear the door close, and deduce instantly that Mommy has left the house.

She will turn to me and emphatically sign "not Mommy". Meaning that "you are not Mommy, and I am upset that she is not here RIGHT NOW." Usually this is accompanied by Kimmie yelling at us in annoyance. Now, she often calms down and goes back to playing when I tell her that Mommy has gone out for an errand and will be home soon.

A few years ago, she would get upset and sob, sometimes until Mommy came back home. I was a little surprised, since we could leave her about anywhere -- church, school, Grandma and Grandpa's house -- without much drama. But when she is home, she wants Mommy to be nearby.

I think Mommy feels the same way about Kimmie, too.

-- Dad (Not Mommy)